


Written in the past

by Momuno



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Angst, Family, Multi, Panic Attacks, Post-Episode: s06e06 Sacrifice of Angels, some Quark headcanons are in here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:28:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23097865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Momuno/pseuds/Momuno
Summary: Quark doesn't cope as well as he pretends
Relationships: Leeta/Rom (Star Trek), Quark & Rom (Star Trek), one-sided Quark/Odo (implied)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 28





	Written in the past

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you very much for clicking on this story. 
> 
> It is my first story in this fandom and I must admit that I am a little intimidated to write for it. Mainly because I just finished watching the show for the first time (and practically binging seven seasons was probably not the smartest decision regarding my social life...)  
>  But I couldn't help myself. I have just a lot of feelings for Quark and Rom and the little complicated family of theirs.  
>  English is not my first language and I fear that there are a lot of grammatical errors but I will read over it again, at a later time and try to filter out as many as possible :D So, sorry in advance  
>  I blame this OS on the fact that I was inspired in the middle of the night and couldn't sleep until I had written it down.  
>  If the characters appear in any way OOC, I apologize. Truth be told this is mainly self-indulgent. But I hope you enjoy it nonetheless.   
>  This story was partially inspired by [The Lament of Eustace Scrubb](https://open.spotify.com/track/6afpT3wW8NdIe7nimRNRd0?si=BBTxI_NzSXeJjzcNOIdBJA) by the Oh Hello's
> 
> and now, with no further ado: 

Quark wakes with a start. His breath is quick, escaping his lungs in shallow gasps that only seem to calm when his mind manages to understand that he is, in fact, in his quarters and not in whatever prison his mind has conjured up in the nightmare he just escaped from. He feels clammy. As if a soft drizzle had rained down on him for the past few hours. But of course, that isn't what happened. It doesn't rain on space stations, after all. Even though Quark sometimes wishes it would. As much as he likes to claim that he doesn't like visiting Ferenginar, he can't help but miss the sound of raindrops that fill even the quietest of nights with their calming everpresent sound.  
Even here, on Deep Space Nine, years after leaving his home planet for the first time, he can still remember those earlier nights. Where the silence reigned deafening and his poor lobes searched for hours upon hours for the soothing lullaby of rain that used to turn every surface it hit into a different instrument. An orchestra of nature so to speak.  
He sits up against his pillows and orders the computer to put the light to 50 percent. His thoughts are still running laps in his mind. At what appears to warp speed to make matters even worse. He decides that it's Odo's fault. If Odo hadn't decided to be a treachours moron when they had needed him, he wouldn't need to occupy his mind with thoughts of everything that could have gone wrong. Everything that _went_ wrong. So what if Odo decided to help them in the end. That doesn't change anything.

 _After all,_ Quark thinks before he can stop himself, _he's done it for Kira, not for me._

His mood, already bad from waking up in the middle of the night, worsens spectacularly at that thought. Why does it even matter? Of course, Odo wouldn't have done it for him. Why should he? It's not like they're friends. And clearly Quark was once again wrong in putting his trust in someone else. He should have never come to this forsaken Space Station. He should have never offered Rom a job in his bar. His brother and nephew could be safe back on Ferenginar, but no. He had to follow the stars and drag his family along while jumping lobes first into an abyss. 

Quark tosses his sheets away and rolls out of bed. There's no use in trying to go back to sleep. It wouldn't work. And besides, he still feels too hot, too clammy. He leaves his bedroom, entering the adjacent bathroom and sighs when he catches a glimpse of his face in the mirror. He looks horrible. The bags under his eyes draw deep shadows in the fluorescent light and he is pretty sure that there is a new wrinkle above his brow ridge. Perfect, exactly what he needs.   
He contemplates taking a sonic shower, it would be faster but he decides against it. It's not like he's in a hurry to go back to bed and welcome the next nightmare. Instead, Quark opts for a regular shower. He leans against the wall while the water drums on his head. It feels comforting. It feels like home.  
He closes his eyes and allows his mind to wander. Away from Deep Space Nine, away from this timeline where everything ended up not good but at least okay. To Ferengniar. What would he have done, had Rom been executed? How could he have told their mother that he had failed at saving his brother from death? But more than that? If Rom had been executed, would the Dominion have allowed him to put his body up for auction? Would they have allowed him to purchase his brother's remains? What if he wouldn't have been able to supply enough money for Rom to bribe his way into the Divine Treasury or bid for his next life? 

Quark remembers the night he understood how important it is for him to earn profit. He remembers seeing his father sitting a table, stressed about another bad deal that had cost him his earnings. He remembers asking about what his father was going to do, now that the deal had failed. But most of all, Quark remembers the way Keldar's fingers had dug into his arms, as he had grabbed him, told him that one day _he_ was going to be the patriarch of this family. That he was the one who had to provide for his them because Rom was too soft to do so.   
That was the only time Quark had ever been scared of his father. But Keldar was right. Rom and Nog are no longer valuing the Ferengi life and the only other person in his family still making money is not allowed to do so. His father would die of shame if he could see them now. Maybe it's a good thing he is already gone. 

_And now that Rom is dead as well..._ Quark turns off the shower and stops in his tracks. What is he thinking? Rom is alive. He _knows_ that Rom is alive. He is well and probably fast asleep next to his wife in their quarters. There's no reason to think something like this. Everything turned out all right. They are safe.  
Except there's still a war going on and he doesn't have nearly enough Latinum for the worst case and even though he should be okay now he feels worse than ever before. He leaves the shower to dry off and return to his bedroom. Not for the first time, after getting up in the middle of the night, a pang of loneliness passes through him. He wonders what it's like, returning to a bed with someone else in it, someone willing to hold you and share your worries. Not just a bunch of pillows that grow cold as soon as you leave them behind. 

In his open quarters, Quark feels exposed, vulnerable, even though there is no one there to witness him. He feels strangely aware of his nude state and moves over to his closet to choose an outfit for the day. There's no use in trying to go back to bed. Sleep abandoned him and it won't return for the night. He gets dressed in well-versed movements and sits on his bed for a while. Before he can stop himself his thoughts are off again. Back to that time when their mother had been out of the house for a few days because one of the contracts between their parents had expired and they had needed to sign a new one. When they were just lobelings and Rom had crawled into bed with him because he was scared they were gonna lose their Moogie. When he had pretended to be annoyed by his younger brother's antics but secretly found just as much comfort in the closeness.   
Quark pulls on his right lobe. Maybe he should go check up on Rom. Just to make sure. In a way, he and Leeta are an investment of his after all. It is his proper right to confirm that everything is as it should be.

Ever since Rom and Leeta moved in together they are no longer living across the hall from Quark but he manages to arrive at their shared quarters in a relatively short time. He hasn't asked the computer for the time yet, but since he doesn't meet a single person on his way, he assumes that it must still be very early. Way too early for a courtesy call. They're probably gonna be angry at him for waking them, but Quark doesn't find it in himself to care. He rings. The doorbell chimes. Once. Twice. Then, with a soft noise the door glides open. Leeta stands opposite of Quark. He takes one look at her and spirals. 

The young woman's eyes are red. She looks tired. _No,_ his mind provides unhelpful _, not tired. Sad._ Sad Because Rom is dead. Because he let them execute her husband.  
Quark feels himself blink at her when she asks him what he's doing there. He can't answer. His mouth is dry. A pitiful croaking sound echoes in the hallway. He wished Leeta would step away so he could see into her quarters, but she doesn't. Instead, she takes a step towards him. There is worry in her eyes. Quark doesn't understand. Why does she worry about him when Rom is dead?   
He wants to say something, yell, scream but he can't. Invisible hands are grasped around his throat, cutting off his airstream, leaving him gasping and clawing at his collar. He needs air. Leeta takes another step towards him. She is saying something but Quark can't hear her. He stumbles. Why was he moving backward? He doesn't know but there's a wall digging into his back and he's on the floor and there are dark spots dancing in front of his eyes. A ringing starts in his ears. It is loud and distracting and Quark wants whoever is making these choking sounds to stop. Someone is yelling for Doctor Bashir. Quark wonders why. Last time he checked the doctor couldn't bring his brother back from the dead. 

The familiar noises of the infirmary greet Quark upon waking up. He feels strangely well-rested. Better than he has in a long time and for a second he wonders whether he could still be dreaming. But in that case, he surely wouldn't be here. He would be on Risa, or maybe in his Bar. Yes, he would like to be in his Bar right now. He always knows what is going on there and that is a lot more comforting than lying here and not being quite sure how he got here in the first place. Bashir is working on a PADD but he moves over to Quark once he notices his patient has come to. 

"You gave us quite a scare there." His voice sounds kind. Then again, his voice almost always sounds kind... stupid hew-mon. Quark rubs at his eyes and suppresses laughter. He scared them? Please, he's the one with no knowledge as to how he got here.  
"What happened?" He finally asked. The last thing he remembers is someone trying to suffocate him in the middle of a hallway. Bashir sighs.  
"A Panic attack." Quark avoids looking into the Doctor's eyes. Just in case there's pity there. But Bashir is not done talking yet. "Your body gave out from exhaustion. Have you been having trouble sleeping recently?" 

Quark wants to say that he doesn't. That he's sleeping just fine but he doesn't. Instead, he snorts humorless. "Has anyone not?", he asks. Bashir hmms in agreement. The door to the infirmary glides open behind him. Rom's standing there, awkwardly waiting for either being let in or sent out again. Quark feels a wave of relief wash over him and he can tell that Bashir smiles. Even though he still refuses to look at him.  
"I'm gonna step outside for a while. But we're gonna talk about this afterward, Quark."

Once Bashir has left them alone, Rom steps towards the bed. Quark sits up before his brother can reach him. He's wearing the usual infirmary clothes and shortly he wonders where they put his jacket, but then Rom is standing in front of him, wringing his hands nervously. "Hi, Brother", he starts but Quark doesn't intend on letting him finish. 

"I'm fine." he interrupts the younger Ferengi and gives him a pat on the head, before sliding off the bed. "Don't worry about me. Quark moves forward to envelop Rom in a hug. He doesn't care if his brother doesn't understand why. Let him be confused for a while. Tomorrow he will return to his normal demeanor. Rom probably suspects something like this and if he notices the slight tremor in Quarks hands when he finally removes them from around his brother's shoulders, he doesn't mention it. 


End file.
